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Up until this, I thought things were okay in our marriage, though of course we haven’t had much couple time with the demands of four children but this discovery has come as a bolt out of the blue.It wouldn’t have been as bad if he was just accessing porn, as I know men do this, but the fact that he was talking to other people has really disgusted me.To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.At the heart of the problem of online “infidelity” is the fact that it is usually done in secret and without the partner’s knowledge – even with infrequent access this secrecy can reduce the intimacy between the couple and can be a first step on the road to bigger betrayals.Improving the marriage The discovery of your husband’s online world is a crisis in your marriage but it can also represent an opportunity.You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.I feel a bit betrayed and worry about whether I can trust him.
For example you can prioritise a daily talking time with your husband when you share how each of you are doing.
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Relationship counselling agencies report that a growing number of couples are now seeking help due to infidelity online or to one partner accessing adult websites.
How much of a problem it is, depends on the degree and type of access and what it means in the context of the marriage.
A second issue for a marriage is that one partner turns to the internet for flirting and sexual excitement rather than to their partner.